Monday, January 06, 2014

Post #500

Apparently, this is my 500th post.  Fitting I suppose as I start a new year.  I have sat down to write this post before but I am easily distracted.  Flip on the computer with the intent of writing something on the blog, only to be distracted by email, facebook, my family tree project, or my kids.  In case you haven't guessed, I am easily distracted by little things, that in the grand scheme of things, probably don't matter so much... well, aside from my kids.  They matter. They are the whole reason that I now have the life that I do and it seems to be going well at the moment. (in regards to the children and their health issues.)

So here I am on the beginning of a new year, my 40th year of life, and pondering where my life has led me and where I am going.  A lot of my friends and former classmates from high school turned 40 this past year.  My best friend since we were 7 turned 40 yesterday.  I forgot to send her a card in time so her "gift" was a rare phone call from me.  She mentioned that turning 40 is daunting. "There is so much that I wanted to accomplish with my life, so much that I haven't done." she shared.  
I can see how 40 is considered the mid life crisis era.  I asked another friend later that day if turning 40 is really such a big deal.  
"No it's not." she said.
" says the woman turning 45 this year." 
"oh hush!" she said in reply.

"Did you ever picture yourself married with twins at this age?" asked the birthday girl.  
No, I replied. I didn't really have a picture of myself at 40, but I certainly didn't think it would look like this.

So I have come to the conclusion that 40 is considered mid life crisis time because do we really plan to live til we are 100.  I worked in the field of geriatrics for 12 years.  I have worked all over Canada; Nova Scotia, Winnipeg, BC, and I have seen various "pictures" of aging.  I have seen it from the family point of view (my oma is 99, and my mother is in her 70's), and I have seen it from the healthcare worker's perspective.  I have also seen it from the eyes of the aging person.  Often they have looked at me through their wrinkled, brittle body and asked me when their body began to fail them.  Inside they feel like they are 17, but their body is telling them that they are 90.  "When you get to be 99," one woman said, "your body starts to tell you your age."  "But you are only 89." I replied. To which her face brightened up, "Oh really, I feel so much better."

But I remember commiserating with my patients that there were days when you felt 17, and the next you felt 100.

Well that was a detour down memory lane.  

My point is that at most, I hope I live a long life, healthy and happy.  80 seems like a good number.  When my body or mind starts to fail me, than 80 will not seem too fun.  But then who knows, maybe when I hit 80, I'll look around and wonder how I got there, "when did I turn 80?"  just as I am currently saying "WHEN did I turn 40?"  Where did the time go?  

So I am sitting here looking back and looking forward and wondering what have I accomplished with this life.  Have I lived a life that is pleasing to God?  Have I lived a life that I am satisfied with?  Sure, we all have regrets, but I'd like to think that I have more joys than regrets.

At the moment, I regret that I have a love of sugar and bread, which is the reason that I have not been able to loose the last 2 or 3 pounds to my Weight Watcher goal.  I have a love of sweets more than I have a love of veggies.  I also do not seem to be able to maintain my sense of will or enthusiasm that I start with.  Even this past week I said, I know I should eat the ... but I want the cookie. So I will eat the cookie. I actually took this past week off from recording my WW points, doing laundry, or other regularly scheduled chores.  The world will not end because I didn't wash hubby's shirts. (When we moved, I purged the closet at the advice of the realtor, to declutter it, and left 10 shirts in the closet for him. There were 40!! shirts in the suitcase to store...) hence I figure as long as we have enough socks and underwear, our wardrobe would survive the lack of fresh laundered clothing.  The same goes for my sleeper wearing children.  There are some days when I give in the fight to keep the sleeper on and let my son/daughter wear the sleeper for 2 days.  Kids are so lucky that way. And so they would not cry over the lack of a fresh laundered clothing for their already overstuffed, overflowing drawers.

I will continue this reflection on turning 40 in future post.  Must go spend time with the kids, can't get that back.

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