Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Language and Distractions- Peaceful Parenting Challenge: Week 7

Welcome to the Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival: Week #7-Watch Your Language
This post was written for inclusion in the 10 Week Peaceful Parenting Challenge Blog Carnival hosted by Prenatal to Parenting. This week our participants have written about using positive language with others. We hope you enjoy this week’s posts and consider joining us next week when we share about a week of unplugging. 

This week's exercise was about watching our language and I suppose tone.  We were asked to focus on the language we use, specifically to focus on positive ways to say something, vs. the negative.  Our brains process information in images. So when you say “don’t stand on the chair” your child imagines himself standing on a chair. The week started out well, but we were lost in a few distractions related to our children's health, hence I might not have been as focused on the language and tone as I would have liked.

I have been practicing positive language for a while as I know that in general, I have tendency to focus on negative or to be negative.  When my children first learned about climbing and climbed on the windowsills, I would say "wow! look at how well you did that! Mommy would like you to get down though as you might fall."  I figured that if we/I told them not to climb up there, then it would just make them do it more. So I taught them how to get down safely.
They don't do it as much as I think that they have "conquered that" and are on to more challenges and explorations.  They still do it to show off to visitors, who freak out.  Like Grandma did the first time she saw it.

My children like to run through the kitchen into the play room.  Some times I would like them to stay in the playroom but I can't get them both in there without a meltdown from baby girl.  Lately, she has learned from her brother about closing doors; the gate, the drawers, the bedroom door, the fridge (not always fun when you are trying to get something out of the fridge and a kid is trying to close it on you!!)  So she has learned about slamming the gate from the kitchen to the playroom repeatedly.  I remember catching myself and stopping from saying "don't" or "stop", but instead I said in a calm voice, "either open it or close it please."  She opened it and then stood in the door frame and clapped at her accomplishment. So cute!

I was a bit distracted by our daughter's health issue.  Our children both have aortic valve stenosis.  The doctors diagnosed our children with heart murmurs at birth and there have a series of echo-cardiograms and procedures.  The cardiologist who first diagnosed the murmur said that in 25 years she had never seen fraternal twins with the same condition as it is rare that both would have it.  So when Baby girl was 11 days old, she had an angioplasty to fix the valve, but because she was so little the balloon blew it open permanently until her open heart surgery when she was 8 months old.  This week was another angioplasty to repair issues from the open heart surgery.  It was minor but it still brought up memories from the first time in hospital.  Ironically we were placed in the exact same room as her first admission, but luckily for one night.  Her surgery was at 2 p.m. and she woke up fully at 8 p.m. and stayed awake til midnight, waking at 4 a.m. to rip off her leads (from her back) and refused to sleep til 6, waking yet again at 8 when she ripped off the leads again.  Originally the purpose of the overnight stay was to monitor her and do another echo in the morning, but as she was tearing around the ward and being a terror, the doctors assumed that based on her energy and readings taken at various time in her stay that she could go home as is.  She fell asleep in the car and when she woke from her nap, was greeted with indifference by her twin.  I'm sure that they were both thrilled to see each other again as they tore around the yard for the rest of the afternoon.

So... needless to say, sometimes language hasn't been my focus.  I'm sure that my son sensed our anxiety and had his own worry about his sister and playmate, but I did try to focus on him when I was here.  So hard some times to snap yourself out of reverie and focus on the person you are with, especially hard when your child is still learning to verbally communicate. Guess I need to work on language in different ways as well...

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
Tips for making the Positive Comments outweigh the negative in your child’s day - Sarah from Prenatal to Parenting shares a startling stat and asks for your help in changing the numbers.
How to talk to your kids – Amy from The Connection We Share discovers the power of using positive language with your kids.
Watch Your Words - Amber from feels better about her parenting when she’s using more positive language.
The Power of Words - Peaceful Parenting Challenge Week 7 - Katrina from Kalem Photography is trying to figure out positive phrasing for some things she’d like her 2 year old to stop doing.  
Week 7 - Watch Your Language!– Amanda from Sticky Hands suggests we start saying out loud things you love and things you want to happen.
Watch Your Language! -Lolly from My Journey Home is attempting to communicate positively with her teen. 

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