Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Shock and Awe

It has now been 13 days since I tendered my resignation. The reaction has been interesting. There has been shock (one person cried, that I know of. You know who are, you are likely reading this right now. :) he he) and there has been awe. Most people have said "really? why?" or "where are you going to?" (because most people have a plan B set up before they ditch the current plan.)

It has been interesting to see what some people say when I tell them, but I have as yet to tell the bulk of the staff that I work with (as there are so many of them) that I will be leaving. I will finish the task tomorrow and email the head people who will hopefully inform the rest of those who need to know. The reactions have been positive for the most part. Why am I leaving? It is just time to move on to something else. There is no better reason than that. I have been at this place for almost 8 years, I have been challenged and grown immensely, but I sense that there is more to learn in some other ... arena? venue?

I have appreciated the affirmation that I have received from various persons about my contribution to their lives, and while I did waiver at first, I still feel that this is the right move. One higher up person that I work with said that it takes a lot of courage to move on. It is not easy to move to different places, and some do it more than they would like, but he and I both agree, that it is better to make the choice for yourself, rather than to have it made for you. Then you have some control. This is what we tell our patients, isn't it better that you choose than if someone chooses for you. Sure the options aren't always the greatest at times, but isn't better when you pick how it will go?

Two colleagues from the ministry world have congratulated me for taking this step. They said that it is hard to do ministry in a secular setting, especially with the high risk for burnout. So, yes, I am doing this as a preventative measure. To avoid burnout. I love my job and the experiences that I would not other wise have been privileged to be a part of, but in order for me to love the work, I need to go do something else, learn about me and life, and leave the door open to return to this work at a later time.

Still, shock and awe. That is also what I feel about my choice to change. Change is hard to do, but in the end, I know that it will work out for my growth. I'm still shocked that I did it, that I am doing it, but I still have as yet to finish the work assigned. We will see how much more shock I have than awe at that point.

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