Friday, April 18, 2008

Frustrations of Hearing Loss

After a long and stressful day at work, I ended it in tears of frustration as I hunted for the phone. I had been talking to my husband on the "land line" phone in my office, when my cell phone rang. It was a friend returning my call. I finished speaking with her, then finished speaking with him and started to leave the office when I realized that I could not find the phone. So I picked up the land line to call my cell.. it rang and the lovely ringtone went off and I started to hunt for the phone. I ended up hunting through my large black bag, dumping the contents on the floor and then removing the bag from the office to call my cell again. Yet again, I hear the music playing and I can't seem to pinpoint where it is. After searching for at least 10-15 minutes, I page my colleague who is still in the building to come and help me pinpoint where it is. It is in here SOMEWHERE .. over by the desk or maybe over here on the other side of the room near the computer. I cannot find it. After this, I called my husband to tell him I will be late to meet him as I cannot find my phone. I start to cry because I know I should be able to do this. How can I lose it in a span of 5 minutes... (well I know how that is.. I do this kind of thing a bit,) but the fact that I know it is here and I can't figure out where the sound is coming from is very frustrating, and frankly traumatic for me. This is something that other "normal" people don't have to worry about. Luckily my colleague shows up before my husband does and helps me find it. It was on the floor, wedged between the wall and the shredder. It must have fallen out of my pocket when I stuffed my daily logs in the shredder.
My husband comes and I tell him that we found it. I feel frustrated and silly. Who can't find a phone??! that is ringing... I can't that's who. Even though I am his wife, I don't think at the time that he gets what it means to me. I don't think that many people, including my family that know me better and longer than anyone would really know what it is like. So I tease my husband that I will go home and have nightmares about hearing a baby cry and not be able to find it.

I don't hear high pitches, you know. I don't hear birds, fingernails on a chalkboard, most sirens unless there is general silence, most cell phones, pagers, or fire alarms. When I was in school, the only reason I knew there was a fire was because everyone in the class dropped their pencils and got up together, and the teacher allowed it. It wasn't until they opened the door of the classroom that I heard .. something. A rattle or drumming. then I would pass the big, red bell on the wall and it was louder.. this drumming. But the "ringing" was a foreign concept.. I understood in theory what they meant. Hence I have lived in faith that should the fire alarm/smoke detector go off, that God will send an angel to save me.

I tease hubby that he will have to get up when baby cries on the monitor because I can't hear stuff like that. (I know everyone says, a mother knows, a mother gets hypervilant about these things... uh.. not likely gonna happen here. Otherwise I will be paranoid) Anyhow, his response, well we'll just put the bassinet up here, in our room. RIGHT BY MY SIDE OF THE BED.. I don't think so. He has to pull his share too and he will.

Things that other people don't have to think about...

1 comment:

bluenoser76 said...

You'll be better than you realize re: the baby thing!

& for the phone--its just a phone! Trust me--I've lost mine before too & hus's lost his for 2 months!

Its not the phone that is getting to you--its the stress of the world right now--I bet you $100 if I had it--its got not much to do with the telephone at all. It just didn't help you!